When I first started teaching, I was always on my laptop. Always feeling anxious for the next class. Always feeling like a fraud to even stand up the front teaching. God knowns I’ve definitely taught my fair share of students that I’ve believed to be smarter than me. But everyone said ‘fake it, till you make it’. Well I’m here to say I’m still faking it till I make it 9 years later.

Why do I feel this way? Because every time I’m getting closer to feeling comfortable with my teaching practice, I’ve changed schools, or we have new students or new parents or a new teaching partner, or worse of all… They decide to have an overhaul of all the schools instructional models or educational programs. Like the last years worth of professional development was a complete waste of everyone’s times. Its impossible really.

Now all of these changes of course still have pro’s and con’s. I’m not blind to that. They have definitely added to my teaching repertoire with the experience and ability to adapt and not only be flexible but open minded to different programs or practices. Personally I think more teachers should be required to move schools and gain experience else where. However that’s getting off the subject. These changes make you feel like you are constantly on a moving roller coaster. The highs are incredible but they are short lived and you are back in the learning pit (as a teacher would say) fighting to get back up again. And don’t forget the speed, or constant time pressure we are under. It is anything but comfortable.

Now I understand that enrolments play a huge part in classes and some teachers have to move year levels. But some schools even make a conscience effort to avoid teachers becoming comfortable or complacent, I’ve even heard the term ‘stale’ if left in certain year levels too long. So they move year levels too. Heaven forbid teachers actually get to reuse anything they taught previously or refine their craft for a second year. No that would make far too much sense.

Now I was never the smartest in school or even the smartest out of my siblings and I. Which my parents didn’t shy away from telling me. So that plays a role in my self esteem as a teacher now. But I always said the smartest person in the room is usually not the best teacher. The compassionate and caring people on the other hand. Well they make great teachers! We always try our best for anyone and we understand what is feels like to not understand something and teach things in ways that students will understand.

I work part time in teaching now. Which also has a huge role in this feeling of mine. You don’t get to know your students or their families on the same level, making it increasingly difficult to plan for their needs. Things go wrong while its not your day and then you feel like you are constantly chasing your tail in an attempt to catch up.

But for anyone in the same position as me, that relates to this feeling. I want you to remind yourself, how hard you have worked to be here. How many students lives you have improved for the better. Sometimes being the only light in their day. You have stuck at it in less than ideal working conditions, when many others have folded and moved on to other occupations. Why? because you care about the students and still enjoy the fundamentals of teaching.

So just like women and men everywhere need to know their value and worth in a relationship. Teachers need to know their worth in our education system. Even if the system and some students/families don’t see it. There will always be some students that make everything worth while.