You might of heard the casual reference about the house mate stage, well before you had children. But nothing quite prepares you for how it feels. I’m here to share my thoughts on how to lighten the mood with your partner when your relationship has unfortunately taken a back seat in your long list of responsibilities.

One minute you are newly married, doting on each other with all your spare energy (after work and the what not) and the next you find your cup completely empty, nothing left to give to your relationship.

It becomes a battle just to go through the motions required to cook food for the whole family. Which the kids mostly wont eat anyway. Then keep the house clean, negotiate or bribe the children to shower. Even though, they then wont want to get out of the shower to go to bed and finally getting them all to sleep.

Now if you are anything like us, we also often complete more work related tasks after the kids finally go to sleep. I’m sure at this stage of my explanation, it sounds like our marriage is completely doomed. even if we get along as house mates and business owners haha.

But some how we work it out. How do we make it work? Well I think I have to credit this mostly to my husband. He always voices his appreciation for everyday tasks around the house whether that’s a meal or cleaning or business tasks. But the bottom line is we are both very grateful for the lives we have made as a team and we make sure the other hears this, often. Which leads me to my first tip always make sure your partner hears your appreciation in some way, shape or form. Never assume they know. They are to busy thinking of their next responsibility.

My husband also has a very light hearted personality. I often refer to him as my lovable larrikin. He loves playing jokes and making people smile. But this also helps lighten the mood in our relationship and for me to relax or forget about the day. How does joking around help? Well he even makes jokes about me being his room mate, when/if he is feeling distant. Which to me is just his way of saying he is actually missing me and some relationship time. Those words he would probably never actually say directly.

So what’s my tip? Tell your partner when you are feeling the distance in your relationship and have a joke about it, because life is short and bloody busy! That’s not anyone’s fault.

Which leads me to my next tip. Don’t make it personal. When both parties in a marriage are busy working and raising children. Its not a choice to grow apart in the hard phases of life. Instead its a choice to earn money to pay the bills or put yours kids wants and needs first and that’s ok. We can still love our partners for that, acknowledge the impact it has, and then make a conscience effort in your relationship. Whether that’s big or small.

What does that conscience effort look like? Well that looks different for every couple and probably has a lot to do with someone’s love language. Some people might consider us a little old fashion because of our love languages but its what works for us. When I’m not teaching, I pride myself on being a perfect housewife and enjoy making my husbands life easier by doing all the cooking and cleaning. While my husband works incredibly hard on the tools and although he would never say it, I know he loves being the ‘bread winner’.

Those are the acts of service we are both happy with. Neither of us require gift giving unless its buying our favourite snacks of course. So we are both pretty low maintenance in that regard. But no matter how time poor you are in a relationship make sure you make time to have these simple conversations with your partner. Just to say thank you for what they do or reintroduce yourself when you ask how their day is. Its small but will make you feel like you are on the same team.